The Big Book of Australian Racing Stories Read online

  Jim Haynes was born in Sydney, the son of British migrants, and educated at Botany Public School, Sydney Boys’ High School and Sydney Teachers’ College. He taught writing, literature, history and drama in schools and universities from outback New South Wales to Britain and back again (attending race meetings whenever and wherever possible) and has two master’s degrees in literature, from the University of New England and the University of Wales.

  A professional entertainer and songwriter since 1988, Jim had several hits with novelty songs like ‘Don’t Call Wagga Wagga Wagga’ and ‘Since Cheryl Went Feral’, and many albums of his songs, verse and humour were released on labels such as Festival, ABC, EMI and Sony. He still performs in variety shows and at festivals and has a weekend Australiana segment on Radio 2UE’s long running George and Paul Show. He has also written and compiled twenty-two books.

  An AJC/ATC member for many years, Jim lives at Moore Park in Sydney with his wife Robyn, collects colonial art, plays tennis three times a week and supports the Sydney Swans and London soccer club Queens Park Rangers. He can walk to Randwick racecourse in ten minutes and his favourite television channel is Thoroughbred Central.

  ALSO BY JIM HAYNES

  The Best Gallipoli Yarns and Forgotten Stories

  Australia’s Best Unknown Stories

  The Best Australian Yarns

  The Best Australian Bush Stories

  The Best Australian Sea Stories

  The Best Australian Trucking Stories

  Best Australian Racing Stories

  The Great Australian Book of Limericks

  The Big Book of Verse for Aussie Kids (editor)

  This book is dedicated to the memory and legend of

  J.B. ‘Bart’ Cummings, 1927–2015.

  First published in 2015

  Copyright © Jim Haynes 2015

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

  Allen & Unwin

  83 Alexander Street

  Crows Nest NSW 2065

  Australia

  Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100

  Email: [email protected]

  Web: www.allenandunwin.com

  Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available

  from the National Library of Australia

  www.trove.nla.gov.au

  ISBN 978 1 92526 697 9

  eISBN 978 1 92526 876 8

  Death in the Afternoon, The Cup is More than a Horse Race and Why We Came to Love Schillaci taken from True Grit by Les Carlyon. Copyright © Les Carlyon 2013. Reprinted by permission of Random House Australia Pty Limited.

  Typeset by Midland Typesetters, Australia

  CONTENTS

  Foreword

  PART 1 RACING MEMORIES

  Introduction—Being There

  From Powder Puffs to Pioneers

  Penny Hand

  The Day That Is Dead

  Harry ‘The Breaker’ Morant

  Valiant Lady

  Jim Bendrodt

  Royal Randwick

  Tip Kelaher

  Racing Memories

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  What’s in a Name?

  Jim Haynes

  The Prizemoney Cheque

  Betty Lane Holland

  Hard Luck

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Bush Races and Picnics

  Jim Haynes

  Riders in the Stand

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  A Cunning Plan

  Jim Haynes

  Firecracker

  Jim Bendrodt

  PART 2 THE WILD COLONIAL DAYS

  Introduction—A Brief History of Colonial Racing

  The Iron Gelding

  Jim Haynes

  The Black Demon

  Jim Haynes

  The Shipwreck Horse

  Jim Haynes

  The Only Undefeated Melbourne Cup Winner

  Jim Haynes

  Racing in Australia

  Nat Gould

  The Cab Horse’s Story

  C.J. Dennis

  Apprentices

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Only a Jockey

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  The Greatest Racehorse the World Has Ever Seen

  Jim Haynes

  Farewell ‘Old Jack’

  Nat Gould

  A Nice Little Mare by Trenton

  Jim Haynes

  Old Pardon, the Son of Reprieve

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  PART 3 BLOND BOMBSHELL TO BLACK CAVIAR

  Introduction—Champions and Favourites

  Here’s a Stayer

  Jim Haynes

  How We Backed the Favourite

  C.J. Dennis

  The Bernborough Story

  David Hickie

  Bobby and Sam

  Jim Haynes

  Oh, Paddy Boy

  Tony Kneebone

  Why We Came to Love Schillaci

  Les Carlyon

  O for Octagonal

  Jim Haynes

  They All Love Sunline

  Jim Haynes

  Do They Know?

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Lonhro Never Liked Moonee Valley

  Jim Haynes

  Caviar to the General

  Jim Haynes

  PART 4 RACETRACK HUMOUR

  Introduction—Fun, Fact and Fantasy

  Not Bad

  Jim Haynes

  Victor Second

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Lunch for Dipso Dan

  Jim Haynes

  A Memory of Breaker Morant

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Corn Medicine

  Harry ‘The Breaker’ Morant

  You Can’t Lose

  Jim Haynes

  How the Favourite Beat Us

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  My Racing Problems

  C.J. Dennis

  The Oil from Old Bill Shane

  C.J. Dennis

  A-maizing Escape

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Flying Kate

  Anonymous

  The Stuttering Stablehand

  Jim Haynes

  The Old Timer’s Steeplechase

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  I Have a Dream!

  Jim Haynes

  Flash Jack’s Last Race

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  The Faster Racehorse

  Betty Lane Holland

  Wrong Diagnosis

  Jim Haynes

  Flew It like a Bird

  Jim Haynes

  Ask the Horse

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  The Urging of Uncle

  C.J. Dennis

  No Chance

  Jim Haynes

  Our New Horse

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  The Gudgeons Go to Randwick

  Lennie Lower

  Father Riley’s Horse

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Harry Calls a Winner

  Wayne Peake

  PART 5 THE CUP IS MORE THAN A HORSE RACE

  Introduction—A Brief History of The
Cup

  Cup Couplets

  C.J. Dennis

  The Legend of Archer

  Jim Haynes

  Westward Ho!

  Harry ‘The Breaker’ Morant

  The Cup is More than a Horse Race

  Les Carlyon

  Galloping Horses

  C.J. Dennis

  The Tale of Peter St Albans

  Jim Haynes

  Cup Memories

  Nat Gould

  Carbine’s Melbourne Cup, 1890

  Anonymous

  Dreaming to Win

  Jim Haynes

  A Dream of the Melbourne Cup

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Cup Day Is Supreme

  Mark Twain

  The Nark

  C.J. Dennis

  Cup Casualties

  C.J. Dennis

  A Post Cup Tale

  C.J. Dennis

  As Unlucky as Shadow King

  Jim Haynes

  The Barber’s Story

  C.J. Dennis

  The Eve of The Cup

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Listen, Elaine!

  C.J. Dennis

  Bart Cummings: The King of The Cup

  Bruce Montgomerie

  The Melbourne Cup

  Lesbia Harford

  Queens of The Cup

  Jim Haynes

  An Anticipatory Picture

  C.J. Dennis

  PART 6 A PUNT ON THE PONIES

  Introduction—The Forgotten Racing Game

  A Punt upon the Ponies

  Jim Haynes

  A Brief History of Pony Racing

  Wayne Peake

  A Rule of the A.J.C.

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Passella, by Passing By—Sweet Ella

  Jim Bendrodt

  Bottle Queen

  Traditional/Jim Haynes

  ‘Baron’ Bob Skelton

  Wayne Peake

  A Disqualified Jockey’s Story

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Done for the Double

  ‘Knott Gold’ (A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson)

  Betting and Beer

  J.G. Medley

  PART 7 RACING CHARACTERS

  Introduction—Kings and Deadbeats

  The Man Who Preferred Horses to Children

  Jim Haynes

  Tom Hales

  Nat Gould

  ‘Honest John’

  Jim Haynes

  The Banjo

  Jim Haynes

  A Steeplechase Rider

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Louis the Possum

  Jim Haynes

  Frank McGrath

  Bruce Montgomerie

  Jim Bendrodt

  David Hickie

  The Oracle

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Bert

  C.J. Dennis

  Azzalin the Dazzlin’ Romano

  David Hickie

  Sydney Cup Day

  Anonymous

  The Whisperer

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  The Coat Tugger

  Betty Lane Holland

  Pam O’Neill

  Phil Purser

  The Best Trainer in the World

  Bruce Montgomerie

  PART 8 JUMP RACES ARE DIFFERENT

  Introduction—Gallant Horsemen and Brave Steeds

  Here’s Luck—A Toast

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Crisp

  Jim Haynes

  The Open Steeplechase

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Roughneck

  Jim Haynes

  The Grog-an’-Grumble Steeplechase

  Henry Lawson

  Weight Was Right

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  The Amateur Rider

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Mosstrooper—The Bradman of the Turf

  Peter Harris

  Short Shrift

  Harry ‘The Breaker’ Morant

  Death in the Afternoon

  Les Carlyon

  Castlebar

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Adam Lindsay Gordon

  Jim Haynes

  How We Beat the Favourite

  Adam Lindsay Gordon

  Aintree

  Jim Haynes

  Out of Sight

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Steeplechasing

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Tommy Corrigan

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  Oakbank

  Jim Haynes

  Rio Grande

  A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson

  PART 9 THE GOLDEN AGE

  Introduction—The Age of Great Stayers

  Champions 1901–1921

  Jim Haynes

  Desert Gold—The Kiwi Raider

  Jim Haynes

  Roaming with Gloaming

  Jim Haynes

  Eurythmic—The Best from the West

  Jim Haynes

  Heroic—The Equine Headline

  Jim Haynes

  The Golden Age: 1924–1926

  Jim Haynes

  Australia’s Favourite Horse

  Jim Haynes

  Phar Lap

  Anonymous

  Glossary

  Acknowledgements

  FOREWORD

  My lifetime love affair with horseracing began the first day I was dressed in my Sunday best and taken to Randwick by my dad. We probably went into the Leger enclosure, although I don’t remember exactly.

  If Mum was with us we always went straight into the Paddock. If it was just Dad and me we’d go into the Leger and the ‘rule’ was that if Dad backed a winner in either of the first two races, he paid the extra admission and we went through to the Paddock.

  Although Tommy Smith and George Moore dominated Sydney racing back then, my favourite jockey was Jack Thompson, known as ‘Thommo’ or ‘the Professor’, and I always backed an old black stayer named Valerius that Thommo rode in Sir Alan Potter’s all-dark-blue silks. Valerius was my favourite horse, I think because he was black and I liked his name. At school I enjoyed Ancient History and Latin, though I failed Latin, probably because I was too fond of Turf Monthly and not too fond of Bembrick’s Latin Grammar.

  When I say ‘I backed’ I mean I tried to get my father to put a bet on the horse for me, either at the track or at the local SP bookie. Dad would ride his bike up to the pub some Saturdays and put bets on and then come home and listen to the radio as he worked in the yard or in his shed.

  As a kid I got to hang around the stables owned by Sid Nicholls at Mascot, because I went to school with his son. Many training families, such as the Pigginses, O’Sullivans and Nicholls, had stables in Mascot. Prior to World War II there were five racetracks in that area. As well as Randwick, there was Kensington, where the University of New South Wales is now; Rosebery, which became a housing estate in the 1960s; Ascot, which made way for the airport; and the showpiece, Victoria Park, which is now a housing estate near Moore Park.

  Some of these venues operated as ‘pony tracks’—a forgotten part of our racing history. Many people today assume that thoroughbred racing is the only form of horseracing we’ve ever had, but ‘unregistered’ or ‘pony racing’ was huge in Sydney and Melbourne from the 1890s to the 1930s, and I am pleased to say this book has a whole section about pony racing, for which I am mostly deeply indebted to Wayne Peake, Professor of Social History at Western Sydney University.

  As a kid I was fascinated by the stable atmosphere at Sid Nicholls’s place, and he was kind enough to let me go to the races with the horses and even gave me an official finish photo of his good handicapper, Sea Hound, winning at Hawkesbury. That photo still hangs in my office.

  Sea Hound ran second in the Villiers twice and was one of the first horses on which I ever won any real money. The ‘welter’ was usually the ‘lucky last’ on any Sydney race program and I got my dad to put my pocket money on Sea Hou
nd at the local SP one Saturday. The gallant old gelding beat a horse called Ginnagulla in a photo finish at odds of 12 to 1. It was one of my first small steps along the rocky road of joy and pain that is the life of the punter.

  One birthday I was given a collection of short stories by Jim Bendrodt. My mum was very keen to get me reading as a kid and books were always a big part of my life. But by the time I was about ten, she was trying to stop me reading all night so I’d be able to get up and go to school next morning. I had a torch hidden under my mattress and, after she turned my light out, I would read under the covers until I fell asleep or the batteries went flat. Those Jim Bendrodt stories thrilled me as a kid and I read them over and over. My favourites are in this collection, along with stories by two other well-known racing writers I admire greatly, Les Carlyon and David Hickie.

  Wherever life took me I always made sure to visit the local racetracks. As a schoolteacher in the country I attended picnic and bush race meetings. When I lived in the UK for a few years I was able to get a taste of racing there and learned to love ‘the jumps’. Easter visits to family in Adelaide always meant the Great Eastern Steeplechase, and business trips to Melbourne, Brisbane or Adelaide somehow always ended up including a day at Flemington, Eagle Farm or Morphettville.

  Some of these stories and verses have appeared in previous collections I have done for Allen & Unwin and ABC Books. My work collecting rhymed verse kept bringing me into contact with great racing stories and yarns in the form of poetry by great horsemen and racing men such as Adam Lindsay Gordon, Will Ogilvie, Harry Morant, C.J. Dennis and Banjo Paterson.

  Racing people are generally generous and helpful and I am blessed to have some friends, both old and new, who have contributed freely to this book. Bruce and Ellen Montgomerie, with whom I play tennis twice a week, introduced me to Betty Lane Holland and Peter Harris, and I met Wayne Peake through talking about his book on pony tracks on radio. Tony Kneebone, Penny Hand and Phil Purser I met via the internet, as one does these days.

  Racing has given me many enjoyable moments and memories. Literature about racing has given me some great experiences as a reader. Writing, collecting and editing these stories and verses has been a labour of love and I hope there are some enjoyable moments and memories in here for you.

  INTRODUCTION—BEING THERE

  Memories are unreliable.

  The way you remember an event often differs from the reality. You find an old photo and realise you have had the wrong memory of a certain event all along.

  Or you tell a great story and someone who was there says, ‘No, it wasn’t like that, the favourite was a bay, not a chestnut, and he didn’t come along the rail, he came around the field and won easily.’ It’s also true that the significant part of an event in your memory may not be the important part historically. You may remember how good the apple pie was at lunch and not remember who won the main race.